Women That You Should Avoid
I’ll begin by reminding everyone that there are exceptions to every rule, nothing is black and white and that no one is perfect. With that said, I’ve dated a lot of different women and am only trying to give my fellow males something to think about when choosing who to date.
Men and women alike, for the most part, will put on their best face when people start dating. It’s natural, when you are attracted to someone, to want to give a good first impression. This can go on for months or even years, which is why I believe rushing into a serious relationship is never good. You can’t truly say you know someone after a few short months. Hell, I don’t think we can ever truly know someone all together, but the longer you wait to pop the question, the better.
But because I’ve dated a great number of women, I’ve noticed certain characteristics that make it easier for me to spot women that are less likely to make good mates for men that know the deeper a woman’s insecurities, the more likely the relationship will fail. Being able to spot these personality traits in women can make dating a lot more enjoyable.
Some personality traits are givens, right? Possessiveness, neediness and desperation would be my top three. Sometimes you can spot these traits right off the bat and sometimes it takes a while, but the moment you spot them and know they aren’t just having a bad day, most experienced men will run.
But there are a couple of traits that are subtler and are harder to spot until a woman becomes comfortable with you. So let’s focus on those.
Overly “Shy” or “Quiet”
Watch out for overly “shy” or “quiet” women. Oh, they’ll come up with all kinds of reasons for being shy but the bottom line is if the woman you are seeing is too quiet, there’s a reason for it that will eventually drive you crazy. Being shy is usually the result of insecurity.
Everyone has insecurities…everyone, but it’s how you handle and overcome them that is important. If those insecurities manifest themselves in shyness, it’s likely (note “likely”, not “a certainty”) that they have more insecurities than the average woman. Most problems that arise in relationships are due to the insecurities of the players so you’re starting a relationship with someone that is going to probably begin letting those insecurities show about the time she thinks she has you hooked.
Everyone likes a certain amount of attention, but some more than others. Shy people are usually attention-whores in sheep’s clothing.
Need Constant Attention
The other trait I would tell you then to look out for is attention whores. Some are shy about it and some aren’t. Whether they are overly shy or loud, attention-whores are people that need your constant affirmation. The louder ones will be more obvious. But if a woman is truly ok with herself and happy being herself, she won’t need your constant attention.
I know women that will freak out if they don’t know where their man is at all times. I know women that will post picture after picture of themselves on the internet. Why? Why would someone feel the need to post essentially the same picture in different clothes every other day? Because they know that when they do, at least one desperate male will comment something to give them the affirmation they crave because men are visually stimulated more than women are..and, let’s face it, even less attractive females are attractive to someone and women know this. But what I see is women that don’t feel comfortable in their own skin so they post and post pictures so they can get that attention. If a woman is truly good looking and knows it, she wouldn’t feel that need. Women confident in their beauty don’t need to fish for compliments constantly.
Pretenders
But the women you really need to watch out for are the ones who change depending on the setting. I know women that are shy in real life but use the internet to pretend to be something they aren’t. In fact, it’s almost an epidemic online. Using the internet to get that affirmation they need, pretending to be outgoing when in reality they can’t look you in the eyes in person, is a huge red flag.
Find a woman that will be herself and is secure enough with herself that no matter where she is or what she is doing, she doesn’t seem to need constant attention.
I’ve met women that are really beautiful on the outside but once you witness their attention-craving behavior become less attractive. Needing constant affirmation diminishes their beauty somehow. Try to find a woman that realizes she is beautiful and doesn’t desperately reach for your confirmation, because those women, and that confidence level, are extremely sexy and make much better partners in the long run.
Can Women and Men Really be Friends?
As a woman my response is yes. I have countless guy friends that I have never wanted sexually. But I wonder if you narrow this question down to: Can you be friends with a woman and never have a sexual thought about her? What would your response be?
I was quite surprised at the response I got when talking to other guys about this, they agreed with me. Albeit, most of them conceded that their own evolution and age was a major factor.
So, what do you guys think? Is age really the key as a man? Is it because looks fade, or sex drive? Or do you think it really is just not possible for a man to not have a sexual thought about any woman they maintain a closeness too?
I think it is possible regardless of age. For a woman closeness to a man through friendship, or sexual attraction can be on completely different playing fields. Is it the same for you?
Be a Man
I’m All For Progress, But Some Things Should Just Stay The Same
I think the best advice for men sometimes comes from women. I mean, they are the ones we are dating, right?
So in my last article, “Guys Talk, Women Walk,” I went over how women perceive guys talking about sex and their sex life and how they found that unattractive. In this article, we will view the other side of the coin.
The same friend that mentioned how that guy talk annoys her also complained that it wasn’t fair that if a man sleeps around when not in a relationship, he is a stud, but if women do it, they are sluts.
Sorry, but on this one I have to disagree with my friend.
Not that I think it is cool if a guy sleeps around. Personally, I prefer to date one woman at a time. However, I do believe some things are inherently female and some things inherently male. At some point, women become male-like to men and we find that to be a huge turn-off.
I believe this is one instance where men should watch out for women who have had many partners. The fact is, most of the people (male or female) I’ve talked to agree that for a woman, meeting a man that has had multiple partners isn’t as unattractive as females who have had a multitude of men in her life. Most women either find this to be unimportant and some even find it a turn-on. They can deny that all they like but again, I’ve had this conversation with many people. However, men will mostly agree that knowing the person they are with now has had a lot of partners in the past is a huge turn-off.
I’m all for equality in many ways, but there comes a point when some things being equal take away from our sexuality. I don’t want my women to be like men and most women I know want their man to BE a man.
Men are attracted to women because of the differences they have from men, not the similarities. Oh, women will tell you they want a sensitive man but the moment you show sensitivity too often, they want nothing to do with you.
I would advise men to steer clear of women that want to be too equal with men in certain ways and vice versa. Again, no woman I know really wants their man to behave like society perceives a woman should act.
Women who want to act too much like men are usually controlling and insecure about their sexuality. In fact, the women I’ve dated that think men and women should be “equal” in every way have turned out to be ultra-possessive and no real man wants that kind of mate. Equality doesn’t have to mean the exact same when it comes to our behavior. At some point, men should be men and women should be women or we lose those differences and attraction is lost.
If you find out the woman you just started dating has had an unusual amount of partners or talks about meaningless encounters she’s had, run for the hills. Run like a freaking jack rabbit…bob and weave while you’re at it.
And if women who have had a lot of mates in their lifetime don’t bother you, my advice is to call a hooker instead of getting serious with her. At least that way you know you need to be tested afterward and you don’t have to listen to her talk about her experience, which we all know is a big turn-off for men.
And if that upsets the women that read this, think about it for a minute. Do you really want your man to be anything other than a man? So don’t hate the messenger. Some things should just be left the way they are.
What’s a Truly Independent Woman?
Lord Byron, an English poet of the late 18th century, had a well-documented life because unlike most artists throughout history, his work was famous in his lifetime. And that lifetime was very short as he died of tuberculosis at the age of 23. However, before he died, he was rumored to have slept with over 3,000 women. So how did my historical friend accomplish this?
He treated everyone as equals, whether male or female, which at the time was very rare. “I do detest everything which is not perfectly mutual,” he was famous for saying. Byron knew what every man should know about women. That if you treat them as an equal, a partner rather than a possession, you have a much better chance of turning them on.
On the flip side, every single woman I’ve ever met says she is independent but if I had to pick a number, I’d say only about ten percent really are independent. They all like to tote the independence flag, but if you want an equal, you need to find a woman in that ten percent. Its impossible to treat a woman as an equal when she’s dependent on the man she is with. If you partner with a woman that has you paying for everything, how can you possibly view her as an equal?
Independence isn’t a state of mind, but rather a repetition of actions that result from a state of mind. Saying one is independent means nothing without the actions behind it and with the actions, comes no need then to say it. You either are or you aren’t, but saying it won’t make it so. And let’s face it, most women’s idea of what ‘independent’ means is about as close to that definition as I am to not drinking beer ever again (I’m never going to stop drinking beer so that was sarcasm).
It’s on every girl’s profile on any dating site you look at. “Independent and sassy, I can be a bitch when I want to be, but hey, I’m hot so it shouldn’t matter.”
Oh, little girl, yes, yes it does. Maybe not for most men, but for this one, you bet your sweet ass it does. And while we’re on the subject of your ass, its great and all but you can pay for those overpriced jeans that you think make it look smaller.
As men, we are also guilty of encouraging women to be dependent. If a man allows his woman to claim she’s independent but meanwhile he is paying for everything, he’s a dumbass and part of the problem.
A woman isn’t independent if she can’t go at least a few months between serious relationships. Most women who do this will tell you its because they “deserve a man,” but it’s really because they are too scared to be without or need a man. Whether the reason is for security or profit, it varies, but either way, that’s not independence.
I don’t know how to stress this enough…Independence is predicated on what we do; it isn’t just something we think we are and it isn’t something we say we are. Since it is so rare these days, there is no need to say anything. Just be.
And let me say this one more time: There is nothing more sexy than a truly independent woman. Why? Because when you meet one, you know they are with you because they want to be, not because they need to be and THAT, my friends, is worth its weight in romantic gold.
How to Approach a Girl Without Being Creepy
Bars can be a hit or miss when it comes to meeting someone. However, the best way to ensure your efforts produce positive results is to make sure you don’t come across as being “the creepy guy”. Nobody wants to be that guy and nobody wants to talk to that guy either. Here are some tips to help avoid that unwanted title:
Keep Things Friendly
Keeping things friendly is a great start. If a girl thinks your number one goal is to get in her pants, you’ve set yourself up for rejection. Avoid laying on the charm too thick and erase any cheesy pick up lines from your vocabulary. There’s a reason they’re called cheesy, besides they don’t work. It might be a little challenging at first, but treat her like a cool friend that happens to be female. Trust me, it will help take the pressure off both of you.
Be Funny
Being casual and sprinkling in a little comedy is two more ways to avoid the creepy factor. Everyone enjoys having fun, especially when your in a bar setting. Make a casual joke or if you do or say something a little silly, brush it off with some humor. Now this doesn’t mean making fun of her outfit or talking shit about that douche bag at the other end of the bar. Just have fun!
Avoid In Depth Questions
One thing to keep in mind is that when you’re first meeting someone it isn’t to plan your future wedding, so don’t treat it that way. Don’t ask too many in depth questions. Seem interested without getting too personal and interesting without being fake. And don’t overstay your welcome, recognize the signs when she isn’t interested or maybe is just ready to get back to her group.
Is She a Player?
Players aren’t just guys anymore, and they aren’t just hip-hop vixens shaking their booties at the club. From Indie Chick to Gangster Bitch, female players come in all shapes, sizes, and incarnations. Look for these signs before falling for a player and getting played harder than a Wii after Christmas.
She Talks to a lot of guys
Obvious? Maybe, but also something easily forgiven if she explains it away as “they’re just friends” or “I get along better with guys”(both of which may actually be true). But don’t turn your head completely just yet. Same as how a female wouldn’t whole-heartedly trust a male surrounded by friends of the feminine persuasion, you shouldn’t take her platonic word for it right off the bat. She could be telling them the same thing about you. Do some snooping, some investigative work before investing yourself to her. I don’t mean digging through her trash or tapping her phones, hang around her for a bit – just as friends, and see whether she really is “just one of the guys”… or busy picking her flavors of the week.
She’s Vague and Non-Committal
Wanna do something this weekend? Of course you do. But how come she never says what or when? Some weekends pass and plans never pan out. Some weekends she’s free but her phone’s always blowing up. Plus, she never stays long– just a few hours or maybe overnight. Then it’s back to trying to find her on your radar again. She says she digs you, but never with any meaning. She says she’ll call you, but sometimes never does. Is she a superhero? What’s with the vanishing act, both physically and emotionally? Unless you’re dating Wonder Woman, don’t invest more than she’s investing in you. At the very least, your investment to her should be 50:50.
She Feeds You Lines
Careful, lines uttered from a female player’s mouth aren’t like those of male players. They aren’t full of cool, smooth, playboy-type words designed to charm the boxers off you. They’re different; well-masked words and phrases designed to draw compliments or emotions from you, sort of verbal fishing lines. She might downplay her allure to get you to up your attraction. She may provide innocent conversation with not-so-innocent twinges of flirtation. No, you’re not imagining it, she’s dropping you ever-so-subtle hints, but hints that could easily be nothing but friendliness. At some point, if she’s not dropping you a clear sign, she’s playing verbal bob and weave, trying to get you to swing at a target that’s more than ready to duck… but let you connect only when she wants it.
She’s Young
Most, not all, female players stop the games in their upper-twenties. Late teens to early twenties is a ripe age for female-playerdom to flourish, mainly because guys in their late teens to early twenties are young, dumb, and full of motivation that doesn’t come from their brain. Hit any bar, any club and you’ll see– 21 year old chicks acting like seasoned vets when it comes to deflecting come-ons from those they don’t like, and accepting invitations from those they do. Girls in their prime know their options aren’t limited. The female players among them won’t limit their options.
Your Intuition Tells You
Yeah, even though you’re a guy, you’re not completely stupid. Guys have more instinct in them than women’s magazines would have you believe. Intuition will tell you this girl may not be being forthright with you. A little spidey-sense in the back of your head will tell you she’s not living up to the words that are coming from her mouth. And listen to the words coming from her mouth. Are they generically flirtatious? For example, could you be replaced with another male and the words she’s saying still be applicable? She’s being vague and non-committal. She’s 21 and she’s got a lot of guy friends. She’s feeding you lines. Or is she? Trust your gut. At best, invest in her what she’s investing in you. Listen to that tiny voice squeaking in your head; don’t let it get drowned out by the loud yelling coming from below.
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Does Your Girlfriend Need a Makeover?
So many of my male friends have recently discovered that the girls that are more “beauty challenged” are much better in the bedroom. This is no myth, I assure you. Some of you are just not willing to give the ugly girl a test drive whether it is because you are afraid of being ridiculed by your friends, or you are just plain too full of yourself to think that you would ever saddle yourself with such a person. However, there are ways to make that “not so good looking girl” worth taking a second look at. Here are some suggestions:
Treat Her to a “Spa Day”
Now obviously this needs to be done with finesse. Your best bet would be to treat her to a “spa day”. I have placed this in quotations for those of you without a limitless supply of funds because this is still doable the old fashioned way.
Instead of actually taking your girl to the spa, wake her up with a massage. Then follow that up with a trip to the salon. At the salon have her waxed and her hair done. (This is also affordable if you do some research and find a decent salon with reasonable prices – check out some of Jennifer’s articles for added direction).
Get Her Makeup Done
Once you are done with her hair, take her over to Nordstrom and visit the MAC Counter. This is not the MAC synonymous with Steve Jobs and Apple products. MAC is a makeup line sold at various retail stores. The girls that work the counter are true artists and the makeup itself can cover-up anything.
There are other options as well if you do not wish to go the “makeover” route.
Compliment Her When She Looks Good
The best and quite honestly, only way to go (without confrontation), would be to put out when she looks great and withhold when she doesn’t. Compliment her when she looks good. Hopefully she will take the hint and start taking more time getting ready for you. Encouragement is key.
Outside of that, the only way to go is the ugly truth! Which we both know is not going grant you a happy ending.
Love you Boys!! Keeping coming back.
Kisses, Francesca
California Girls and Their Area Codes
Met a chick from Cali? Got the digits but don’t know where to start? Use this guide as a starting point to strike up a convo, hit common interests, and learn just what exactly those three pre-fixed numbers say about her.
619 – San Diego Area
What it means: San Diego area. Plenty of partying, plenty of beaches, plenty of open-mindedness, but nothing out of control. A party girl who spends some weekends with her parents… partying.
Date idea: something in San Diego.
213 – Heart of L.A.
What it means: Heart of Los Angeles. Been there/done that, seen it/heard it, and been around just as many celebrities as homeless people. Possibly jaded well before 25.
Date idea: either keep it simple or keep it high maintenance, but nothing touristy, naive or hipster.
818 – North Hollywood
What it means: Burbank/North Hollywood area. Like Los Angeles and Hollywood, but with less celebrities and more meth. Chances are she’s big into heavy metal or Armenian gangs. Perhaps both.
Date idea: the beach, a park or driving back and forth from fast food joints, liquor stores, and friends’ houses for a full 34 hours.
951 – Riverside County
What it means: Riverside County. Way east of L.A., both geographically and spiritually. Baseline of the deserts, meaning life here moves a little slower but still manages to get there.
Date idea: First date – two hour phone call. Second date – nurse two drinks at a bar.
949 – South O.C.
What it means: South O.C. Better bring your wallet, spare cash, and jewelry to barter. Living in South Orange County isn’t cheap, and if she’s from there, lives there, and parties there, you’re probably gonna have to spend some cash to keep the night moving.
Date idea: expensive restaurant, high-end bar, exclusive club, your beach-house or her condo.
714 – Orange County
What it means: Orange County, but more Anaheim/Orange than Newport Beach/Costa Mesa. Not as pricey as a date with a 949′er but that doesn’t mean not as fun. Don’t: disrespect the Angels. Do: disrespect their “Los Angeles Angels of” name-change.
Date idea: anywhere but Disneyland.
909 – L.A. County
What it means: L.A. county girl, but more on the suburban tip. Probably a frequenter of the Los Angeles/Orange County party scenes but only as excursions away from home. Think Honda Accord, not Lamborghini Diablo.
Date idea: Club, lounge, outlet mall.
510 – Northern California
What it means: Berkeley, Oakland, northern California. If she’s from Berkeley, she’s either smart like a scientist, smokes weed like Tommy Chong or both. If she’s from Oakland, she can probably beat you in a fist fight.
Date idea: observatory, hookah bar or Raider game.
702 – Las Vegas
What it means: she’s not from Cali, she’s from Vegas. One of two things: 1) she’s from the party capital of the world and you’d better think big to impress her, or 2) she’s from the party capital of the world and she’s no longer looking to be impressed.
Date idea: Luxor or the library.
Do these tips ring true? Tell us some of your experiences. Not from Cali? Let us know how your spot is different.
Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex?
The simplest answer, is no. No, you cannot be friends with your ex.
The Line Has Already Been Crossed
The reasoning is fairly straightforward if you think about it. That line has already been crossed.
You have likely had sex with her and once that has occurred, how do you maintain any type of friendship? How do you not remember all of those naughty, frustrating, happy, intimate, and bad times when we as humans are fueled by the memories and experiences we have had? Friends with benefits, sure – just friends, not so much.
It Will Mess Up Your New Relationships
There are other things to consider as well. What is the new potential girlfriend going to think? Up until that point I can vaguely see how it could sway on the edge of working. But once you are in a committed relationship again, never.
Do you honestly believe that a woman is going to be cool with your ex hanging around? If she does, she is probably lying because she sees some potential and doesn’t want to come across as controlling. I guarantee she won’t want the competition (because that is how she will view it).
She will always be wondering if you are thinking about your ex, or are keeping her around as a “back up.” Would you want your new girlfriend to be friends with her ex?
Try as you may, you cannot be friends with your ex. Pretense may have you saying I am wrong, but reality, history and fact say I am right.
Ok Guys…What do you think? Comment below and let us know.
10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date a Co-Worker
Everyone knows it’s ill advised, but let’s get real– guys don’t give a crap. Human Resources is right though; it’s really not something you should do. Here are ten reasons why you shouldn’t sh*t where you eat.
10. That Fast-Aging Disease
Because the average person spends 40 to 60 hours a week working, with about 48 hours off (if you don’t sleep!), maintaining a relationship with a co-worker greatly exacerbates the time spent together. Spending three weeks with a co-worker/girlfriend is like being together for three months. Spending three months with a co-worker/girlfriend is like being together for a year. Being together for a year is like a silver anniversary, only without the presents and celebration.
9. The Daily Point-and-Giggles
Got an embarrassing secret you’d never tell anyone but a trusted lover? Well, that’s what a girlfriend is, bub, and if she becomes an ugly ex, best prepare for the whole office to know by lunch on Tuesday.
8. The Tie You Can’t Loosen
Spending that much time together cannot only feel claustrophobic; it can make that twelfth-story window start to look like a pretty good exit. There’s a reason humans aren’t all born as Siamese twins – everyone needs some alone time.
7. Work Starts to Define Your Relationship
Suddenly, that report you did last Thursday becomes the basis of whether your girlfriend sees you as a man. Reprimanded or demoted at work? Forget it pal, even at home you’re now just a paperboy.
6. “So What Were You Guys Talking About?”
Suddenly, it’s no longer an innocent question but a demand for the truth when you, or your co-worker girlfriend, are seen chatting it up with another hot co-worker.
5. Now She’s Always On Top
Dating a co-worker? Eventually marriage? Guess what? She just got that promotion and now she’s your boss! You can handle taking orders from her at work, but why is she now always smirking down at you during sex and calling you “boy?”
4. “I Am Being Professional! Why Aren’t You?!?”
A heated, unresolved argument at home will rear its ugly head at the workplace, until eventually one of you is asking why and the other is blurting out this response… a few decibels too loud.
3. The Hot New Receptionist
You’ve legitimately found someone you connect with better, find more attractive, and are intensely more interested in only a few weeks after committing to your co-worker girlfriend! Congratulations! You’ve just entered psychological hell!
2. The Hot New Supervisor
She’s legitimately found someone she connects with better, finds more attractive, and can get her a raise and a parking spot! Congratulations! You’ve just been used more dirtily than the office microwave!
1. Two Birds, One Stone
Worst case and quite possible scenario: the end of your relationship results in the end of your job (or vice versa). The triple crown of F-dom: you’ve F’ed yourself, you’ve F’ed her, and you’ve F’ed your job. There is nothing worse than the feeling of losing your job and your relationship at the same time, unless you get home to find your dog has hung himself. Apparently even he knew you were trouble.
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