Women That You Should Avoid
I’ll begin by reminding everyone that there are exceptions to every rule, nothing is black and white and that no one is perfect. With that said, I’ve dated a lot of different women and am only trying to give my fellow males something to think about when choosing who to date.
Men and women alike, for the most part, will put on their best face when people start dating. It’s natural, when you are attracted to someone, to want to give a good first impression. This can go on for months or even years, which is why I believe rushing into a serious relationship is never good. You can’t truly say you know someone after a few short months. Hell, I don’t think we can ever truly know someone all together, but the longer you wait to pop the question, the better.
But because I’ve dated a great number of women, I’ve noticed certain characteristics that make it easier for me to spot women that are less likely to make good mates for men that know the deeper a woman’s insecurities, the more likely the relationship will fail. Being able to spot these personality traits in women can make dating a lot more enjoyable.
Some personality traits are givens, right? Possessiveness, neediness and desperation would be my top three. Sometimes you can spot these traits right off the bat and sometimes it takes a while, but the moment you spot them and know they aren’t just having a bad day, most experienced men will run.
But there are a couple of traits that are subtler and are harder to spot until a woman becomes comfortable with you. So let’s focus on those.
Overly “Shy” or “Quiet”
Watch out for overly “shy” or “quiet” women. Oh, they’ll come up with all kinds of reasons for being shy but the bottom line is if the woman you are seeing is too quiet, there’s a reason for it that will eventually drive you crazy. Being shy is usually the result of insecurity.
Everyone has insecurities…everyone, but it’s how you handle and overcome them that is important. If those insecurities manifest themselves in shyness, it’s likely (note “likely”, not “a certainty”) that they have more insecurities than the average woman. Most problems that arise in relationships are due to the insecurities of the players so you’re starting a relationship with someone that is going to probably begin letting those insecurities show about the time she thinks she has you hooked.
Everyone likes a certain amount of attention, but some more than others. Shy people are usually attention-whores in sheep’s clothing.
Need Constant Attention
The other trait I would tell you then to look out for is attention whores. Some are shy about it and some aren’t. Whether they are overly shy or loud, attention-whores are people that need your constant affirmation. The louder ones will be more obvious. But if a woman is truly ok with herself and happy being herself, she won’t need your constant attention.
I know women that will freak out if they don’t know where their man is at all times. I know women that will post picture after picture of themselves on the internet. Why? Why would someone feel the need to post essentially the same picture in different clothes every other day? Because they know that when they do, at least one desperate male will comment something to give them the affirmation they crave because men are visually stimulated more than women are..and, let’s face it, even less attractive females are attractive to someone and women know this. But what I see is women that don’t feel comfortable in their own skin so they post and post pictures so they can get that attention. If a woman is truly good looking and knows it, she wouldn’t feel that need. Women confident in their beauty don’t need to fish for compliments constantly.
Pretenders
But the women you really need to watch out for are the ones who change depending on the setting. I know women that are shy in real life but use the internet to pretend to be something they aren’t. In fact, it’s almost an epidemic online. Using the internet to get that affirmation they need, pretending to be outgoing when in reality they can’t look you in the eyes in person, is a huge red flag.
Find a woman that will be herself and is secure enough with herself that no matter where she is or what she is doing, she doesn’t seem to need constant attention.
I’ve met women that are really beautiful on the outside but once you witness their attention-craving behavior become less attractive. Needing constant affirmation diminishes their beauty somehow. Try to find a woman that realizes she is beautiful and doesn’t desperately reach for your confirmation, because those women, and that confidence level, are extremely sexy and make much better partners in the long run.
Can Women and Men Really be Friends?
As a woman my response is yes. I have countless guy friends that I have never wanted sexually. But I wonder if you narrow this question down to: Can you be friends with a woman and never have a sexual thought about her? What would your response be?
I was quite surprised at the response I got when talking to other guys about this, they agreed with me. Albeit, most of them conceded that their own evolution and age was a major factor.
So, what do you guys think? Is age really the key as a man? Is it because looks fade, or sex drive? Or do you think it really is just not possible for a man to not have a sexual thought about any woman they maintain a closeness too?
I think it is possible regardless of age. For a woman closeness to a man through friendship, or sexual attraction can be on completely different playing fields. Is it the same for you?
Modern Marriage: Why So Fast?
It so happens that I know a few couples that are planning to get married soon. So I guess congratulations are in order, right?
Well, hold on just a minute. Let’s look at some things first, shall we?
Since the institution of marriage predates recorded human history, we’ve only been able to speculate on the reasons for its origin. Some say it was to ensure the male paternity of his children. Some say it was to limit competition between males for any given female. Whatever the reasons, I think we can all agree that possession and control played a big part.
So now, I have these friends that are planning to get married, three of them. None of these couples have even been together for an entire year.
So, why so fast? We’ve all heard the phrase “If its meant to be, it will last.” However, if that’s true then why the need to rush into marriage? Believe me, the tax breaks aren’t worth making a mistake.
Still, every one of these couples will declare their “love” for each other is “different.” I assume they mean different from past relationships they’ve had since they couldn’t possibly know if it differs from someone else’s. So if its so different, why the rush?
Love is a decision we make each and every day. It’s not magic fairy dust like most people believe it to be. As we become older, one would think the decision to love would get more experienced and wiser, but when I look around me at these couples, it seems to me they’re just reaching for possession and control.
Want my opinion? Doesn’t matter, I’m going to give it anyways…Possession does not deepen love, but in fact, these days, fractures it. There is no longer a need, in our modern society, for control over a woman, or your children. We have laws now to protect those things. I will never get married again unless its important to the person I choose because a piece of paper feeds the NEED to be with someone, not the desire. I want to know the person I’m with WANTS to be with me, every single day. Times are a changin’. I find that more often than not, the desire to marry is one begat from control, not desire.
And I love the “marriage makes it harder to walk away” excuse. I want the person I’m with to be able to walk away at any given time. Why? So I know every minute they spend with me was a minute they wanted to be with me and not because a ring, or a day in church made them stay. How unsexy is that?
And then the argument is “Well, there’s always divorce if it doesn’t work out.” Then why marry in the first place? To prove your love? In fact, I would argue that all modern marriage does is put more pressure on a relationship. If you cage an animal, it wants nothing more than to get out, but if you leave the door to the cage open, the animal comes back because it is not, in fact, caged.
If your love is so “different” and “special,” then what will a piece of paper and a ring do for it? I think if more couples asked themselves that question, our divorce rate would be a lot lower. I think too few people remember or know that emotions, including love, are decisions, not fairy dust. No one makes you mad or happy without your consent, whether you know this fact or not. The same is true for love.
Marriage began in order to quell our animal instincts to have multiple partners in our lifetime, for possession and control. Have we not become evolved enough to love one person loyally without a collar around our necks? I’d like to think I have.
So to the friends I mentioned above… How will getting married so quickly change your love for one another? The fact is that most people NEED to love and be loved. But I prefer to WANT to love and to know the person I’m with WANTS to love me back. The fact remains that to even be able to love or be loved, you must love yourself first and be ok being by yourself. Putting a ring on someone’s finger so quickly only shows the world your aren’t ok with either. And if any of the friends mentioned above are reading this, instead of getting mad at me, why not ask yourself why you are mad in the first place… because if my opinion isn’t true for you, then you shouldn’t be. But if you are, maybe instead of being mad you should ask yourself that question… How will it change your love? And if it won’t, then why not wait?
Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex?
The simplest answer, is no. No, you cannot be friends with your ex.
The Line Has Already Been Crossed
The reasoning is fairly straightforward if you think about it. That line has already been crossed.
You have likely had sex with her and once that has occurred, how do you maintain any type of friendship? How do you not remember all of those naughty, frustrating, happy, intimate, and bad times when we as humans are fueled by the memories and experiences we have had? Friends with benefits, sure – just friends, not so much.
It Will Mess Up Your New Relationships
There are other things to consider as well. What is the new potential girlfriend going to think? Up until that point I can vaguely see how it could sway on the edge of working. But once you are in a committed relationship again, never.
Do you honestly believe that a woman is going to be cool with your ex hanging around? If she does, she is probably lying because she sees some potential and doesn’t want to come across as controlling. I guarantee she won’t want the competition (because that is how she will view it).
She will always be wondering if you are thinking about your ex, or are keeping her around as a “back up.” Would you want your new girlfriend to be friends with her ex?
Try as you may, you cannot be friends with your ex. Pretense may have you saying I am wrong, but reality, history and fact say I am right.
Ok Guys…What do you think? Comment below and let us know.
10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date a Co-Worker
Everyone knows it’s ill advised, but let’s get real– guys don’t give a crap. Human Resources is right though; it’s really not something you should do. Here are ten reasons why you shouldn’t sh*t where you eat.
10. That Fast-Aging Disease
Because the average person spends 40 to 60 hours a week working, with about 48 hours off (if you don’t sleep!), maintaining a relationship with a co-worker greatly exacerbates the time spent together. Spending three weeks with a co-worker/girlfriend is like being together for three months. Spending three months with a co-worker/girlfriend is like being together for a year. Being together for a year is like a silver anniversary, only without the presents and celebration.
9. The Daily Point-and-Giggles
Got an embarrassing secret you’d never tell anyone but a trusted lover? Well, that’s what a girlfriend is, bub, and if she becomes an ugly ex, best prepare for the whole office to know by lunch on Tuesday.
8. The Tie You Can’t Loosen
Spending that much time together cannot only feel claustrophobic; it can make that twelfth-story window start to look like a pretty good exit. There’s a reason humans aren’t all born as Siamese twins – everyone needs some alone time.
7. Work Starts to Define Your Relationship
Suddenly, that report you did last Thursday becomes the basis of whether your girlfriend sees you as a man. Reprimanded or demoted at work? Forget it pal, even at home you’re now just a paperboy.
6. “So What Were You Guys Talking About?”
Suddenly, it’s no longer an innocent question but a demand for the truth when you, or your co-worker girlfriend, are seen chatting it up with another hot co-worker.
5. Now She’s Always On Top
Dating a co-worker? Eventually marriage? Guess what? She just got that promotion and now she’s your boss! You can handle taking orders from her at work, but why is she now always smirking down at you during sex and calling you “boy?”
4. “I Am Being Professional! Why Aren’t You?!?”
A heated, unresolved argument at home will rear its ugly head at the workplace, until eventually one of you is asking why and the other is blurting out this response… a few decibels too loud.
3. The Hot New Receptionist
You’ve legitimately found someone you connect with better, find more attractive, and are intensely more interested in only a few weeks after committing to your co-worker girlfriend! Congratulations! You’ve just entered psychological hell!
2. The Hot New Supervisor
She’s legitimately found someone she connects with better, finds more attractive, and can get her a raise and a parking spot! Congratulations! You’ve just been used more dirtily than the office microwave!
1. Two Birds, One Stone
Worst case and quite possible scenario: the end of your relationship results in the end of your job (or vice versa). The triple crown of F-dom: you’ve F’ed yourself, you’ve F’ed her, and you’ve F’ed your job. There is nothing worse than the feeling of losing your job and your relationship at the same time, unless you get home to find your dog has hung himself. Apparently even he knew you were trouble.
The Art of the Amicable Break-Up
By the time most relationships hit the skids, one or both parties can be so pent up with hostility, anger, and resentment that thinking clearly and objectively might look like “mission impossible.” Once the level of a relationship reaches DEFCON 4, you can just about forget about acting civil towards one another. My advice: chill out, take a deep breath, and take a moment or two to step outside the situation and assess it objectively. Breaking up is hard to do, but there are benefits to doing it amicably.
There are two things to try and remember when parting ways with a partner, and both require a cool head. First, you must acknowledge that there are issues that aren’t allowing the relationship to work. Forget what the issues are, a genuine general acknowledgment is all that it takes to move forward. A plus B used to equal C, but now A has a bunch of variables attached to it that no longer make it work in the equation.
Again, if objectively you know the relationship can’t be saved, it’s time to cut ties, at least romantically, and move on. Keep in mind that no matter what anger, hostility, and resentment you’re feeling now, they are just emotions fresh from the moment. Try and remember the characteristics within this person that made you want to pursue one with them in the first place. In all likelihood, these characteristics still exist.
As a man, it’s time to bring out that dreaded “C” word: communication. It’s time to sit down, talk and pull out the scissors that will detach you from someone you’ve been tied to. Don’t let the first words out of your mouth be, “I want out!” Pick and choose your words carefully and with sensitivity, no matter how difficult. Hurling insults will make anything you say after it meaningless, and your words will fall upon deaf ears. Talk to this person, like you did in the beginning, with the dignity you once showed.
If your soon-to-be-ex is unwilling to be civil and meets your serenity with hostility, its either a lost cause or you really did something wrong. Either way, there’s nothing you can do about it but extend an olive branch before you walk off. (Watch your back though, and make sure there are no sharp objects within reach to be thrown). Maybe she’ll come around eventually, but for now she’s a friend who’s upset with you.
Parting ways on good terms is always a plus. Whether it’s because you’ll gain a friend who knows you intimately or, because you’ll have someone to call on cold, lonely nights (e.g., booty-call!), ‘tis better to have loved and lost… but remained cool.”
10 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You
Denial is an ugly thing. It’s also incredibly emasculating. Sometimes you just need a good kick in the pants or a bro friend to grab you and say, hey, snap out of it. This chick is less into you than Hitler was into Jews. Here then, are ten signs to look out for when wondering, “should I really pursue this?”
1. Unreturned Calls/Texts
Chicks are busy, especially if they’re independent, career-oriented or pursuing anything other than a sugar daddy. But at some point (and this does require judgment) you should expect a reasonable timely response to that message you left or that text you sent. The longer it takes for a response, the more indicative it is of where you stand on her priority hierarchy.
2. Averted Eyes
This is a no brainer and falls somewhere in line with The Waiting Game (see below). If you find yourself talking to a pair of eyes constantly darting around the room, she’s either looking for something else to entertain her or an extreme paranoid. In either case, it’s not good for you. Though she may be there with you physically, mentally and emotionally she’s exploring other options.
3. Disrespect
No healthy relationship ever came from violating a partner’s boundaries; just ask Chris Brown or Ike Turner. There’s an obvious line between playful jabbing and tearing you a new asshole, and if she doesn’t seem to know it, she probably doesn’t care to. She may actually be into you, but if she doesn’t know where that line begins you – actually may be better off without her.
4. Inequality in Compromise
It’s very rare to find a perfect 50/50 balance in a relationship, but the closer you can get the better it is for the relationship. If you’re bending over backwards to date someone or maintain a relationship, and they seem more like Humphrey Bogart not giving a damn, best to follow Ingrid Bergman’s lead and take off. If she knows early on that she’s has you hanging by a string, the responsibility falls on you to grab some scissors.
5. Secret Status (a.k.a. Won’t Introduce You to Friends or Family)
Unless you’re dating a superhero with a secret identity, at some point you should expect an introduction to her friends and/or family. They’re curious who she is spending her time with, and I am sure you’re curious what kind of people she identifies with. If this two lines don’t intersect, well, I think you have your answer.
6. You Always Pay
You might just be dating an old-fashioned girl who believes men should always pay, but in 2010 chances are you’re dating a hustling gold digger. Gold diggers are notorious for two things: getting money, and getting more money. Nowhere in that equation does love or emotion fit in.
7. The Waiting Game
If you find yourself constantly waiting around for her, whether it’s for her call, her text, her arrival or her mental presence while with you– not a good sign. You may just be a rebound, a crutch or a steppingstone until someone better comes along. Seemingly, she’s already looking.
8. Body Language
A lot of times guys are aloof to a female’s real, somewhat obvious feelings. Just because she said she’ll come along with you or she shrugged, “yeah, sure,” it’s no cause for celebration. Sure, it might open the door for a chance to win her over, but if she’s not really feeling you from the get-go, you’re gonna have to work twice as hard to charm an already uncharming first impression.
9. The Friend Hug
Never has such light contact hurt so bad. Usually marked by one arm, a turned angle or any type of “I-don’t-want-my-breasts-touching-you” type of body positioning. The Friend Hug is a clear sign that hey– you’re not boyfriend material, but you’re better than a diseased hobo. The only thing worse would be a handshake or a fist bump.
10. She Has a Boyfriend
This is not as obvious as it sounds. Many people end up hooking up with people who already have significant others, and what usually follows are tales of unhappiness in the relationship, prior intentions of breaking it off, etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. The only thing that matters is if you’ve met a chick who’s got a boyfriend, and the two of you seem to hit it off. Just don’t ever forget the circumstance of how you met her, and how– history repeats itself, it may end.
Top 10 Signs That Bitch is Crazy
1. Prolonged Eye Contact, a.k.a. The Deep, Wide-Eyed Stare
If you’re talking to a female and she’s looking at you the same way movie serial killers look at their strangling victims, trust your cinematic instincts. You may not be far off.
2. Torrential Talking
Conversation flow is not only a good barometer of compatibility; it’s also a great way to see how people express who they are. If who she is, is a non-stop deluge of stories, emotions, anecdotes, unsolicited opinions, and diatribes – grab a life preserver, you’re gonna need it.
3. The Wild, Moody Drunk
It’s true what they say about alcohol bringing out peoples’ real selves. If someone’s real, drunk self is standing atop a table cursing you out for something you never did or for the actions of others, best to grab your things and find another table … at another place.
4. The Way-Premature “I Love You”
The Way-Premature I Love You extends beyond just that: if she’s saying it at some point during your second date minutes after you just picked her up– buzzz. If she’s asking you to move in with her before you’ve even stayed overnight– buzzz. If she’s talking about how cute your kids will look, what their names will be, what college they’ll be going to, etc.,.– buzzz, buzzz, buzzz.
5. The Vibe
The Vibe is real, and chances are if you feel it, it’s just a small taste of what’s lurking. Whether it’s through any of the aforementioned manifestations or some other slightly eerie, slightly creepy physical characteristics– if you feel it, run. There is a reason human beings were given animal instincts.
6. Testing Your Limits/Pushing Your Buttons
Very few women can pull this off in a sane, playfully-testing-a-man’s-character type way. If you find a female testing your limits and pushing your buttons early on, it is safer to peace out. Try to imagine how hard she’ll be pushing them once she actually gets to know you.
7. Man-Hater Comments
This one is pretty basic math: if a female starts making “I hate men” type comments, best to accept the glaring invitation to leave. If a woman is bothered enough by men to start verbally lashing out at strangers, there’s no telling what she might do to you in the comfort of her own home. CoughcoughLorenaBobbittcough.
8. She Works/Has Worked/Wants to Work as a Stripper, Prostitute or Stripper Prostitute
It’s very rare to find a sane stripper or prostitute who’s legitimately doing it as a quick way to get back on her feet. Most made a beeline straight to the stage/street, probably as a way to take control of some childhood trauma.
9. Pet Snake
Okay, this is an eighty-percenter, meaning there is a 20% chance she’s not crazy, just into slithery reptiles. But most females who are into snakes usually don’t look like Marilyn Monroe, the look like Marilyn Manson.
Which brings us to number 10:
10. They Look Crazy
Excessive piercings, tattoos, or anything is a breaking of Normal People Rule #1: no excessive anything! Moderation is key, and most importantly – a sign of sanity.
How to Fight the Right Way
We all fight … it is inevitable. No relationship is filled with hot sex, great conversation, and limitless fun all the time (at least once you get past the honeymoon stage). It is just not possible. And if you think it is, I would love for you to write in and tell me about it because, I want to know your secret!
From a female perspective there is nothing more frustrating than having the same fight over, and over again. I am confident you will agree with that statement. Women do nag, I am certainly not going to deny it but, I’d be willing to bet that most of the nagging is repetitive of something we have talked about before.
Regardless, I think the best way to look at it is that marriage, dating, and relationships in general are a war and fights are the battles. We need to pick our battles, because in the end it is about winning the war with our relationship in tact. If that is what you want of course. (We all hope for the peace treaty, but let’s get real … women and men are far too opinionated to sit idly by).
Here Are The Rules
Rule No. 1: Think before you react. Spewing hurtful comments at each other can never be taken back. They will haunt you forever! Do not set yourself up for that despite the fact that your partner may do it. Their ego obviously supersedes their logic.
Rule No. 2: Timing is everything. Be understanding to the situation at hand. Life is stressful, so if one of you is already stressed, your fight at the wrong time will create a war. Wait until you are both in the right mindset.
Rule No. 3: The battle does not need to be about winning vs. losing. In fact, if you have this thought, you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. Disagreements should ultimately be about compromise.
Rule No. 4: Listen to each other. Try and recognize the other’s position. This doesn’t mean stating fine, and moving on. For women, a “fine” means nothing! We only want to know you “heard” us. I know we are very confusing when we start talking; we share way too much that is sometimes an overload for you. Ask your girl to just get to the point, be simple and precise in what she is asking. It may surprise her, but I get what you need and I am sure she will catch on.
My little trick: Try to remove the word “you” from each of your sentences and instead use “I.” It will make your significant other feel less defensive. Good luck!
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