Be a Man
I’m All For Progress, But Some Things Should Just Stay The Same
I think the best advice for men sometimes comes from women. I mean, they are the ones we are dating, right?
So in my last article, “Guys Talk, Women Walk,” I went over how women perceive guys talking about sex and their sex life and how they found that unattractive. In this article, we will view the other side of the coin.
The same friend that mentioned how that guy talk annoys her also complained that it wasn’t fair that if a man sleeps around when not in a relationship, he is a stud, but if women do it, they are sluts.
Sorry, but on this one I have to disagree with my friend.
Not that I think it is cool if a guy sleeps around. Personally, I prefer to date one woman at a time. However, I do believe some things are inherently female and some things inherently male. At some point, women become male-like to men and we find that to be a huge turn-off.
I believe this is one instance where men should watch out for women who have had many partners. The fact is, most of the people (male or female) I’ve talked to agree that for a woman, meeting a man that has had multiple partners isn’t as unattractive as females who have had a multitude of men in her life. Most women either find this to be unimportant and some even find it a turn-on. They can deny that all they like but again, I’ve had this conversation with many people. However, men will mostly agree that knowing the person they are with now has had a lot of partners in the past is a huge turn-off.
I’m all for equality in many ways, but there comes a point when some things being equal take away from our sexuality. I don’t want my women to be like men and most women I know want their man to BE a man.
Men are attracted to women because of the differences they have from men, not the similarities. Oh, women will tell you they want a sensitive man but the moment you show sensitivity too often, they want nothing to do with you.
I would advise men to steer clear of women that want to be too equal with men in certain ways and vice versa. Again, no woman I know really wants their man to behave like society perceives a woman should act.
Women who want to act too much like men are usually controlling and insecure about their sexuality. In fact, the women I’ve dated that think men and women should be “equal” in every way have turned out to be ultra-possessive and no real man wants that kind of mate. Equality doesn’t have to mean the exact same when it comes to our behavior. At some point, men should be men and women should be women or we lose those differences and attraction is lost.
If you find out the woman you just started dating has had an unusual amount of partners or talks about meaningless encounters she’s had, run for the hills. Run like a freaking jack rabbit…bob and weave while you’re at it.
And if women who have had a lot of mates in their lifetime don’t bother you, my advice is to call a hooker instead of getting serious with her. At least that way you know you need to be tested afterward and you don’t have to listen to her talk about her experience, which we all know is a big turn-off for men.
And if that upsets the women that read this, think about it for a minute. Do you really want your man to be anything other than a man? So don’t hate the messenger. Some things should just be left the way they are.
Guys Talk, Women Walk
We’ve all heard guys talk. The problem, however, arises when women hear them talk. When will men learn that talk is cheap? One of my female friends recently complained to me about how men talk about women and sex. It occurred to me that she was right, it’s annoying.
Guys, let me share something with you. Women don’t find your testosterone-filled competition about who has a better sex life, or who knows more about women, attractive. In fact, it turns them off completely.
Men seem to think that if they stand around and brag about their sex lives or talk about women as if they were dogs in heat that they will seem like big men to their friends. I have plenty of friends who do it and always have. So why do they do it?
Just like all annoying human behavior, this type of guy talk is born out of insecurity. If your sex life is satisfying to you and you are so happy with it, why would you feel the need to talk about it? If you were so sure you were the “player” you think you are, why the need to share your conquests?
If your ego is dependent on how many women you are able to have sex with, maybe it’s time you re-evaluate who you are because no woman of value finds that attractive. Guys who view women only as sexual conquests usually end up with someone just as insecure as they are and just as shallow. Women with any self-respect don’t want your passed around penis anywhere near them.
I find that these guys are the same ones who tout the tagline, “Bros before hos, dude.” Any man that would rather sit around and talk about who he is having sex with and how many there are with men than actually be with a woman, is, in my opinion, an idiot.
Every time I meet a guy that wants to share his sexual exploits with me, all I can think is, “What a retard. If he was actually getting this much sex, he wouldn’t feel the need to prove it to me.”
My advice to men who feel the need to talk about women like they are just objects is to focus more on the women they are dating and satisfying them and save that breath and energy for the bedroom. Perhaps that way all these women you are supposedly having sex with will actually want to come back for seconds, because with that ego-centric attitude, I don’t see how you could possibly be satisfying your mates. Sex is about giving, guys. Spend less time talking and more time giving and I guarantee your sex life will improve in quality even if it does diminish a bit in quantity. I don’t know about you, but my goal is great sex, not superficial sex in great quantities. But hey, if notches on your bedpost are your thing, more power to you. I think I’ll keep my sex life to myself. Somehow talking about it gives a little of the joy of sex away and I’m happy keeping all that joy to myself.
What’s a Truly Independent Woman?
Lord Byron, an English poet of the late 18th century, had a well-documented life because unlike most artists throughout history, his work was famous in his lifetime. And that lifetime was very short as he died of tuberculosis at the age of 23. However, before he died, he was rumored to have slept with over 3,000 women. So how did my historical friend accomplish this?
He treated everyone as equals, whether male or female, which at the time was very rare. “I do detest everything which is not perfectly mutual,” he was famous for saying. Byron knew what every man should know about women. That if you treat them as an equal, a partner rather than a possession, you have a much better chance of turning them on.
On the flip side, every single woman I’ve ever met says she is independent but if I had to pick a number, I’d say only about ten percent really are independent. They all like to tote the independence flag, but if you want an equal, you need to find a woman in that ten percent. Its impossible to treat a woman as an equal when she’s dependent on the man she is with. If you partner with a woman that has you paying for everything, how can you possibly view her as an equal?
Independence isn’t a state of mind, but rather a repetition of actions that result from a state of mind. Saying one is independent means nothing without the actions behind it and with the actions, comes no need then to say it. You either are or you aren’t, but saying it won’t make it so. And let’s face it, most women’s idea of what ‘independent’ means is about as close to that definition as I am to not drinking beer ever again (I’m never going to stop drinking beer so that was sarcasm).
It’s on every girl’s profile on any dating site you look at. “Independent and sassy, I can be a bitch when I want to be, but hey, I’m hot so it shouldn’t matter.”
Oh, little girl, yes, yes it does. Maybe not for most men, but for this one, you bet your sweet ass it does. And while we’re on the subject of your ass, its great and all but you can pay for those overpriced jeans that you think make it look smaller.
As men, we are also guilty of encouraging women to be dependent. If a man allows his woman to claim she’s independent but meanwhile he is paying for everything, he’s a dumbass and part of the problem.
A woman isn’t independent if she can’t go at least a few months between serious relationships. Most women who do this will tell you its because they “deserve a man,” but it’s really because they are too scared to be without or need a man. Whether the reason is for security or profit, it varies, but either way, that’s not independence.
I don’t know how to stress this enough…Independence is predicated on what we do; it isn’t just something we think we are and it isn’t something we say we are. Since it is so rare these days, there is no need to say anything. Just be.
And let me say this one more time: There is nothing more sexy than a truly independent woman. Why? Because when you meet one, you know they are with you because they want to be, not because they need to be and THAT, my friends, is worth its weight in romantic gold.
California Girls and Their Area Codes
Met a chick from Cali? Got the digits but don’t know where to start? Use this guide as a starting point to strike up a convo, hit common interests, and learn just what exactly those three pre-fixed numbers say about her.
619 – San Diego Area
What it means: San Diego area. Plenty of partying, plenty of beaches, plenty of open-mindedness, but nothing out of control. A party girl who spends some weekends with her parents… partying.
Date idea: something in San Diego.
213 – Heart of L.A.
What it means: Heart of Los Angeles. Been there/done that, seen it/heard it, and been around just as many celebrities as homeless people. Possibly jaded well before 25.
Date idea: either keep it simple or keep it high maintenance, but nothing touristy, naive or hipster.
818 – North Hollywood
What it means: Burbank/North Hollywood area. Like Los Angeles and Hollywood, but with less celebrities and more meth. Chances are she’s big into heavy metal or Armenian gangs. Perhaps both.
Date idea: the beach, a park or driving back and forth from fast food joints, liquor stores, and friends’ houses for a full 34 hours.
951 – Riverside County
What it means: Riverside County. Way east of L.A., both geographically and spiritually. Baseline of the deserts, meaning life here moves a little slower but still manages to get there.
Date idea: First date – two hour phone call. Second date – nurse two drinks at a bar.
949 – South O.C.
What it means: South O.C. Better bring your wallet, spare cash, and jewelry to barter. Living in South Orange County isn’t cheap, and if she’s from there, lives there, and parties there, you’re probably gonna have to spend some cash to keep the night moving.
Date idea: expensive restaurant, high-end bar, exclusive club, your beach-house or her condo.
714 – Orange County
What it means: Orange County, but more Anaheim/Orange than Newport Beach/Costa Mesa. Not as pricey as a date with a 949′er but that doesn’t mean not as fun. Don’t: disrespect the Angels. Do: disrespect their “Los Angeles Angels of” name-change.
Date idea: anywhere but Disneyland.
909 – L.A. County
What it means: L.A. county girl, but more on the suburban tip. Probably a frequenter of the Los Angeles/Orange County party scenes but only as excursions away from home. Think Honda Accord, not Lamborghini Diablo.
Date idea: Club, lounge, outlet mall.
510 – Northern California
What it means: Berkeley, Oakland, northern California. If she’s from Berkeley, she’s either smart like a scientist, smokes weed like Tommy Chong or both. If she’s from Oakland, she can probably beat you in a fist fight.
Date idea: observatory, hookah bar or Raider game.
702 – Las Vegas
What it means: she’s not from Cali, she’s from Vegas. One of two things: 1) she’s from the party capital of the world and you’d better think big to impress her, or 2) she’s from the party capital of the world and she’s no longer looking to be impressed.
Date idea: Luxor or the library.
Do these tips ring true? Tell us some of your experiences. Not from Cali? Let us know how your spot is different.
5 Things Women Want But Don’t Ask For
1. We Want Romance
Any girl who says she doesn’t is a liar. I know that is a bold statement, but it’s true. While some girls like “elaborate or extensive,” most of us would just like those small gestures when we first started dating not to fade. It could be as simple as a note saying: “I am thinking of you,” or a single flower. Grandiose is not a necessity but keeping romantic antics alive is.
2. We Want to Hear we Look Nice
Most of us will not tell you, but the truth is that we want to hear when we look good – regardless of how long we’ve been together. (This is especially true when we take the time to “doll” ourselves up and make an extra effort to exceed our daily look). It really will make a difference if you acknowledge it. From that simple gesture your girl may turn that occasional extra effort to a continual one. Sounds like a win/win to me.
3. We Want Your Friends to Like Us
We all want to be the favorite. Though it is most important that we are your favorite, we all want to be the girlfriend that your friends like best. The one they want around and treat as though they belong there and are not just tolerated because were dating you.
4. Help with Daily Chores
This is actually bigger than you could imagine. Help with such things, as picking up a prescription, dry cleaning, etc. will go a long way with little time sacrificed from you. If you save us a little time we are willing to give that time back to you ten fold. Nothing is nicer than coming home and knowing that everything you had on your list to do has been taken care of.
5. Call Us if You Say You’re Going to
This could be the number one pet peeve for not just boyfriends but girlfriends too. Some men might consider this checking in or overkill, but we would rather you not say anything then say you are going to call and don’t. In today’s age of technology, send a text saying something came up. This little effort will go a long way. In doing so, you may find that your girl is not needing or wanting that lengthy conversation at the end of the night because she feels as if she already talked with you enough throughout the day.
The bottom line is a little consideration and thoughtfulness go a long way – to not only making your girl happier but also to making your relationship that much more drama free and worth coming home to.
Guys – Now it’s your turn. Let me know what you think?
Being Single by Choice
This concept may be foreign to most males: being single by choice. Women do this, and men should take note. Take three different guys and their scenarios where it can and should apply:
I have this friend – we will call him “Joe.” Joe, as his name implies, is just your average guy: dates, gets into relationships, breaks up, and continues looking. Then Joe hits a slump for about a year. Dating was scarce and finding a relationship became similar to finding water in the Sahara. Midway into that year, Joe begins stinking of desperation. He hits on anything with two legs and a scent of lotion. Not many of his conquests pan out, and the biggest thing to come from them is more fuel for Joe to gripe about. “Why can’t I find a chick?” Joe would ponder a loud: “What’s going on with me? Etc., etc…” Despite concentrated efforts from his circle of homies who advise him to slow his roll, Joe thought it best to maintain his pace, if not step it up….
Another friend of mine, we’ll call this one, “half a Henry.” For as far back as I’ve known him (14+ years) he has always been a long-term relationship type of guy. From high school to college, and beyond, he’s always been half of a whole. It suited Henry, but Henry’s biggest desires came out when he was in the comfort of “the boys,” … he wanted his freedom. He didn’t want it so much that he’d leave his relationship, but he wanted it bad enough that when he found time away from his girl, he used it as a limited opportunity to explore (i.e., cheat). Two times he played with fire and both times he got burned. (Only first-degree burns though, because he still managed to stay in his relationships).
“Flip,” we’ll call this last guy. At one point in Flip’s life, he did exactly that: flip through a string of very short-lived, ugly-ending relationships. Whatever was causing him to jump into these relationships was very quickly causing him to jump out. They became almost predictable and routine, and back then he failed to see why. He was too busy seeing things from inside the moment than from outside of it.
All three of these scenarios were perfect opportunities for future-Flip, future-Joe or future-Henry to travel back in time, sit down, and warm the bench for a while. Watch the game, rather than play in it, you might say.
Being single by choice can clear your head. It can allow you to put things in perspective, and give you an opportunity to think about what it is you’re doing wrong, if you’re doing something wrong. It’s also the best way to get to know who you are as an individual, not as half of a couple. It can help you sow your oats, before you find yourself in situations where you otherwise couldn’t.
But the most important thing is that it will give you the time and opportunity to know who you are. It can be impossible to be objective when you are in a relationship or the dating scene, but when you take the time to step outside the hurricane, you get a pretty clear view of what’s flying around up there around you.
Women do it all the time, but when men are single it’s usually connoted as status beyond his control and not for lack of trying. Take the time to recognize, realize, and build your own solid foundation. It should just be long enough to detox, start from zero, and begin your David Carradine-Kung Fu-like quest, but end before you start traversing into Marlon Brando-Colonel Kurtz-Apocalypse Now-type territory. When you’re ready to check back into the game, you will know.
Is Working Out the New Adult Entertainment?
Ok here’s the scenario … I am lying in bed with my man and we are skimming through the channels, HBO, Showtime, Skinamax, Playboy, etc., and low and behold I look up to see my husband has turned on a channel that is just women working out. Of course they are making their best “o” face and lifting weights with slow deliberation but working out nonetheless.
So, in my infinite curiosity of all things male I turned him and asked, “What is this?” He laughed and said this is a channel that is used almost like porn for some men where they can watch women working out.
“Really?” I was shocked. I myself have always enjoyed working out alone. Although, come to think of it, there have been times that I have worked out with my husband and I definitely noticed that he seems to have a certain “regard” to me working out.
When I asked him if he too found this to be a turn on, indicating what I had picked up on the rare occasions that we did work out together, he said that it really wasn’t a turn on per se, it was just me. Oh, yes, of course that must be it … I had to research this new male curiosity.
I began questioning my guy friends to see what their thoughts were and if they too found it to be a turn on, obviously intrigued.
Interestingly, most guys did indeed find it hot. I got answers like, “well I think it is hot to watch a girl work out … mostly stretching because you can imagine all of the positions that you can get her in sexually.” That seemed the most logical to me and made sense, as did the next popular comment, “if you see a girl working out, sweating in the gym you know that she takes care of herself, that’s a turn on.” Ok, I can get behind that too. Honestly, my initial thought was guys enjoyed watching boobs bounce on the treadmills (am I wrong?)
This leads me to the question at hand. While yes I understand a girl who takes care of herself is a turn on and a girl who can contort her body in ways to make a grown man cry is also a turn on, my really question is can it compete with porn? Is it that big of a turn on?
If so, I wonder how many of you could get your chicks to start working out in front of you vs. watching “Deep Throat” for the 10th time. (Yes, yes, I know we can all get used porn dvds for $5, a serious steal!).
So I am going to throw it back to you. Is it hot enough to compete with adult entertainment? Do you tune in? Is it just something different sexually?
How to Make Your Relationship Last
Ok, I am just going to go out on a limb and say it: Communication.
Yes, yes, that dirty little word that you have read from Fran’s articles, just this time, and it’s not in the bedroom.
I know this may surprise you, although I sure hope not … women actually think with only one head and therefore can actually think without their genitals getting in the way. Amazing, I know.
Now, I know there are the exceptions (cough, cough, Fran), who are 100% female to the core and have total penis envy. I am sorry to disclose this, but most of us do not. If you really like, love, want your relationship and girl to be happy, then communication is a skill you need to possess.
Here are a few tips:
- Most women want to have an emotional connection with you first. Guess what guys? We can have sex with anyone too…. We cannot however, have a personal relationship/connection with just anyone. So my suggestions … work on it, if you want us to work. This communication is “foreplay” for us. If you make an effort to have conversations and take legitimate interest in your girl, I promise it will pay off in the physical sense too. Do not pacify us though, we will see through it.
- Now, I know this is going to be a challenge for most guys… sometimes we just want you to listen. You don’t need to fix it, I know it is in your nature to want to fix things – we don’t want this. Most of the time we know how to fix it, we may just not want to. I know this makes absolutely no sense to most of you, but it doesn’t need to. There are substantial differences between men and women and this is one of them. Listen, don’t fix. I promise we will ask for advice if we need it. We are not like you – we will stop for directions.
- I think it is important to have differences, likes and dislikes. Both individuals in the relationship should have a life outside of their significant other. Encourage and promote your girlfriend, wife, etc., in her extra endeavors. Take a wanted interest and she will likely do the same for you. Like each other’s friends better and be more trusting when you want to go and do your “hobby” without her. We should balance one another out, not blur the lines of where one stops and other begins. I don’t know about you, but one of me is enough, there’s no way I’d want two. Be yourself and don’t be afraid to communicate that your interests are important to you too.
- Relationships evolve. Trust me; we’d all like it if the initial ‘dating’ part lasted forever, before we knew all of each other’s deep, dark secrets. It’s more exciting for us too. But if you are in it for the long haul, you are going to have ups and downs, physically and mentally. If you do not have communication at the core of the relationship, one day you are going to wake up and have no idea who is lying beside you.
Introducing Francesca
Well hello boys. The name is Francesca, or the answer to all of your questions about women, sex and how to get both.
Weight: 132 Lbs.
Hair Color: Depends on my mood – Red at the moment.
Eye Color: Blue
Bra Size: 36D, and they are natural boys!!! No silicone in this girl.
Waist: 26”
Hips: 38
Height: 5’8” Tall
Now that you have me pictured in your head, wrap your brain around the fact that my purpose here is to cater to you and your questions, in a nutshell to handle your needs. I love sex! It’s my favorite subject and activity. I am not like most women you know. I am not afraid to try anything in the bedroom, especially if it involves you. My door also swings both ways so I feel I have a good idea of what you go through on occasion.
Although it was a complete shock to me, I actually enjoy things outside of the bedroom as well. I love animals, all animals. I love to go to my cabin and sit on deck and just watch. Animals have the right idea, eat, sleep, love and have sex. Dogs are by far my favorite creature. I have two Boxers myself, one male and one female. They are the light of my day, everyday.
When it comes to me, nothing is too crazy. Well let me dial that back a bit, that truly only applies to the bedroom. When it comes to extracurricular activities that involve being dressed, I am not into extreme sports. I do not ski, I do not snow board, I do not mountain bike. I do, love a good snowball fight, bobsledding, water skiing, fishing (fresh and salt), watching football and hockey and I love to go hiking. All of these activities by the way can involve sex.
Did I mention that I love sex? I am very active in this area. Some people consider that to be, well let’s just say, not ladylike. Those of you who feel this way is welcome to your opinions but I can guarantee you that I am having a lot more fun in this life than you. I also suggest you look up the song “Lady Like” by Storm Large & the Balls. This, my new friends, is my anthem. Take a listen it will give you a much better insight into the phenomenon that is me, Francesca.
I do not consider myself to be a submissive mate, but more of a little dominatrix and a little Mrs. Beaver Cleaver (i.e. can act innocent). I like to ride and to be ridden. But if you are going to be doing the driving then you better drive it fast and hard. I can honestly state with great conviction that there is nothing I hate more than a Nancy Boy in the bedroom. I didn’t climb into bed naked to be cuddled or talked to I came to get it on, so lets not mess around. Foreplay can be fantastic if done correctly. If you are going to just lie there and wait for me to get things started you are out-of-luck.
I will remove myself from the situation and break out my little buddy, Gilligan. I am perfectly capable of handling things on my own and will probably get it done faster. Most of you need me. You need my insight. To be brutally honest, the majority of you SUCK in the bedroom. It is really a shame that mothers are so scared to talk to theirs sons and daughters about sex honestly and openly. If they did, we would all be much better at it and the divorce rate would be nonexistent.
My most favorite activity in the bedroom is spit polishing the knob. That’s right boys, a girl who LOVES to give oral satisfaction. We do exist! I almost kind of wonder if it’s because I have such penis envy, that I make it my goal to perfect this art? I can do things with my mouth and throat that have made men’s heads spin. I should really write a book about it, I would make a mint! Every one of you would be buying a copy to give to your girls.
I am really not sure what else I can tell you? If you should come across me on Facebook, I am not easy to find. Be forewarned, I will not date men I meet on Facebook, so don’t bother. I date men I meet in bookstores and airports and I screw the men I met in bars. My philosophy in this arena is this, “If you can, you do. If you can’t, you surf the net.”
I am here for your sexual needs, well “questions” to be more specific. Ask me anything on this most fantastic topic. You will not scare me off. If I have not already done it, you will simply be giving me new ideas, which I am always open to. I will do my best to answer your questions even before you ask them. But if I miss something, please write me and let me know as I will oblige.
Remember boys, when you look good we look good. Kisses Francesca.
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